This is the year of Firsts.
First Easter, first Mother’s Day, first Victoria Day,first Canada day, first birthday, the twins first birthday, my first birthday, first thanksgiving, first Christmas, first new year, without YOU.
You celebrated our firsts with you of our lives, and throughout the years, now we do not celebrate. It’s not a celebration to not have you with us for these “celebrations”. Every month that passes ( can’t believe it’s almost 3 without you already) I think it will get easier. But it only gets harder.
Time. It’s a funny thing. They say time will heal. I’m not sure if those same people have gone thru what we have or if they think they can relate. Clearly those people almost all still have their parents, so not sure how anyone with living parents can relate, but I can tell you, it does NOT get better. Better isn’t ever going to be part of a sentence regarding my feelings, when referring to my mom. Time doesn’t make it better. It makes it harder. Harder because now the last time I saw my mom alive was 4 months ago! It’s harder for me to remember what she smells like, looks like when she laughs, what her laugh sounds like, what it sounded like to have her yell at me, it’s been 4 months now that I’ve been without you. I saw you last on January 13, 2018 at 8:42am, right before they put the ventilator into your throat, and was silenced from until your heart took its last beat on January 15,2018 at 5:22am.
Time doesn’t make it better. It makes it harder and sadder. I beat myself up trying to remember everything.
It was nice. But it was too silent.
You were our reason of laughter. You were the reason we got together.
And you are still and will remain our reason to get together for these occasions.
We all miss you like crazy.
I know your here with us.
We want signs mom. We need them.
We love you.
These pics were from our last Easter we had last year. Easter 2017, if only we knew it would have been your last.
I would have taken a million and one videos and pictures of you even though you wanted to kill me for it lol.
Your our beautiful angel warrior mommy 🦋💙 happy Easter to you in Heaven🦋🦋😂🐝💋love you❤️❤
2018 has been a YEAR. I have met and become close to so many friends. violetmcfield Bunny, my bae, you already know how much you mean to me. I just met you irl and it was amazing (post coming soon). I love you, thank you for blessing my year with your wonderful self. barbara_bluebear Barbie, you make me so happy every time I talk to you. You are the most positive and gentle person I know, I want to be like you when I grow up. You are so hilarious and I love being your BFF. lunasilverlion Artsy, we have become better friends in the past couple of months and I love you sm. You're one of my role models and super fun. sso.jdiamond Jazz, you are super awesome and funny. I am so glad that we are friends, you are so special to me. willoweaststar Easter, this year has been so fun with you. I love our jokes every time we talk. You are hilarious and I can't wait to hang with you in 2019. britneygoldside Grit, you are also someone I look up to so much. You're so heckin' cool, smart, and patient, but most of all funny. You are so valued by me and so many others. And ofc, I love and appreciate everyone in my club the.stars.squad who I didn't mention. You are all my friends and I love you all.